Confession N.8

Fact: I almost lost him today.

We've been fighting a lot lately. We both knew that if things didn't turn around soon, our relationship was going to end. Today it almost did. We were there, one of us just needed to finalize it.

But then, within the same instant, we both realized that we don't want to be with anyone else.

And I can honestly say that I don't want to be with anyone else. Ever.

I have never loved someone as much as I love Josh, and I can't imagine ever feeling anything this strong for anyone else for the rest of my life. We have our ups and downs- we're far from perfect. But I would like to venture far enough to say that we're perfect for each other.

Michelle FTW

Fact: Today I got Josh to admit that he wants to marry me.

Okay, so maybe he didn't straight out say "I want to marry you", but earlier today I told him that I was watching the Today Show and saw that this couple had a Mandelorian themed wedding (for those of you who don't know- it's a Star Wars thing, and I'll just leave it at that. Oh, and awesome).

His exact response to me telling him that was: "Our friends aren't that awesome though".

THEREFORE implying that the first thing that comes into Josh's head when I mention a wedding, is that it'll be ours. :) Yay for things working out.

And to think that this time a year ago that he was a commit-a-phobe who had never been in love.

Homeward Bound

Fact: By this time tomorrow I will be out of this Godforsaken state.

My bags are packed, and I'm all ready to go. I couldn't be more excited.

By this time tomorrow I'll be out of New York and on the road.

By this time on Saturday, I will be in my apartment getting all settled.

By this time on Sunday, I will be with Josh. :) yay!

And by this time on Monday, I will be with all my friends getting drunk for Ashley's 21st birthday.

I'm happy about it, and life is good. :)

Ugh.

Fact: I am getting tired of this ridiculousness.

Since I've gotten home from Lourdes my mom has asked me twice to stay home another week, which is absolutely pointless. I don't have a job here, they're already paying rent on my apartment, I'm doing nothing productive, I'm miserable here, and I have to leave at some point anyways. However, my mom wants me to stay so she has someone to talk to that's not my dad.

And then tonight my dad asked me to transfer to Syracuse because he "misses me when I'm not home". While the sentiment is sweet, I'm tired of my parents trying to guilt me into staying in New York. I do not like it here. I'm only here because I have to be. I'm almost 20 anyways, it's time that I move out on my own- I have to leave the nest at some point.

I am happier in Rock Hill than I've ever been in my entire life, and I'm not about to let my parents, or anyone for that matter, to take that away from me. I deserve to be happy goddammit.

But hey, at least I'll be back in Rock Hill in 4 days. :) yay!

Carolina State of Mind

Fact: I will be home in 5, almost 4, days.

I cannot wait. I'm glad I will be busy getting ready to leave over the next few days so time will just fly by. This summer, to be blunt, has sucked. I'm just glad that I will at least get to enjoy a few weeks of a real summer before school starts.

I can honestly say that I've never been this excited for anything before- I just have so much to look forward to- Josh, Alli, all my other friends, partying like no tomorrow, indulging in my nerdy tendencies, and everything else that I have missed over the past three months. I even have a lot to look forward to once classes start like, DragonCon, Josh and I's 20th birthdays, Josh and I's one year anniversary, finally getting into my major, applying for the College of Education, and testing out my minor in English.

My most "liked" status on Facebook has been the one I posted stating that I could be coming home early. It was in that instant that I realized that Rock Hill is home.

My summer here in New York has not been that positive, but it at least has taught me to appreciate how great I have things in South Carolina- I honestly can't ask for more. :)

I'm going to the place where love and feeling good don't ever cost a thing,

and the pain you feel is a different kind of pain.

Well, I'm going home- to the place where I belong, where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me, but these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

Let the Real Countdown Commence...

Fact: There are 6 days left until I leave to go back to South Carolina.

It's official- I will be in South Carolina, in MY room, in MY apartment by this time next week. Yay. :)

It is also entirely possible that I will also be with Josh by this time next week. Double yay.

Carolina Girls, the best in the World

Fact: I love South Carolina

Dear South Carolina,

I am so glad that I will be returning to you next week. Throughout my life I have lived and seen many different places, but nothing compares to you. Your warm sunshine is always welcoming- and to me it is the feeling of coming home. Your roads are familiar and the people are among the best in the world. Spending this summer away from all of this made me realize that you are home, and South Carolina is where I will stay.

I have moved time and time again, but I can proudly say that above all else, I am a Carolina girl. :)

I look forward to feeling your sunshine in just a little over 7 days.

Much love,

Michelle Elizabeth